Maybe I really f-cked up. Maybe I shouldn't have left the one I loved, even though he was everything I didn't want in a man. He constantly lied and cheated, but he was the only person who really understood me and was patient with me. And although he was scum, he loved me unconditionally. He said I was the girl of his dreams. He said he worshipped the ground I walked on. He said he couldn't wait until we had a child together, he always imagined how beautiful I would be pregnant. Yet where is he now when I really needed him. No where. Just gone. As if I never existed. Yet he doesn't have the heart to tell it to my face, to tell me that he no longer loves me in that way. I suppose it's a mercy, even now that we're not in each others lives he still won't hurt me to my face. I can't help but watch Justin Bieber's video over and over, it's as if I completely understand his pain with his breakup from Selena. Extremely corny, I know, but still. Heartbreak is heartbreak. Love doesn't last, it isn't forever.
But I love J. I'm so in love with him. No one will ever be like S, ever. But J is so different, I just don't feel the same love and devotion I felt before. I wish things were different and yet the same as before. But change is inevitable and I have to let the past go and move on to the future, to something or someone I truly deserve ..
xxo,
M.
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